Funny Man

I'm stuck for ideas. As readers of Classic Rock magazine know (unless you skip the back section for some weird reason), I write and draw a comic strip called 'Flock Of Numbskulls' (not my title I hasten to point out) which concentrates on a different band or rocker each month. The one I've just finished has a Christmas theme and was a piece of piss to write, as was the John Lennon one which appears in the current issue (I've always had a bee in my bonnet about that bloody Imagine song of his and it's nice to have a platform to vent my frustrations). Now I face the challenge of thinking up another one and I've hit a wall. My initial thoughts were to do something on Macca's marriage woes (c'mon Paul - you've got the money ... have her killed), but then the thing I wrote would have landed the mag with a lawsuit (and although this wouldn't have worried me, it might well have troubled Scott Rowley, the evil robber baron at the top of the Classic Rock tree). My next thought was a two-parter concentrating on the life of Lemmy - Motorhead's bewhiskered warthog of shoutiness. I had him wanting to be a chartered accountant when he grew up but then couldn't think where to take it or make it funny ... so that was that idea down the swanny. Next I thought about doing a Scissor Sisters thing where they're bumped off for stealing album sales away from established gay icons such as Barbara Streisand, The Village People and Kylie Minogue. Sadly, I couldn't think of a punchline for this so I gave up on it.

And that's as far as I've got. The problem with doing funny shit is thinking the funny shit up. If you're not in a particularly funny mood, you're not likely to come up with comedy gold - no matter how fucking long you stare at a blank computer screen. Any suggestions, dear readers? It's about time you all got up off your arses and did my work for me.

As a footnote to this (and to emphasise that point I've put it in smaller writing y'see?) the one I actually want to do was turned down flat by Uncle Joe Rowley because his mailbag would have been bulging with complaints from irate John Lennon fans. So here it is in all its magnificent, offensive glory ...

A Day In The Life Of Mark Chapman

1. Woke up ...
2. ... got outta bed ...
3. ... dragged a comb across my head ...
4. ... then shot John Lennon three times in the back.

Complain away ... I can take it.