Transcript of an interview between Eric Clapton and Detective Inspector Terry Reeves of Essex Police

“So, Mr. Clapton … it must be good to be back in the UK yes?”
“Of course. This is where it all began for me, back in the 60’s”
“Living abroad in a big house in America and not paying a fucking penny in tax doesn’t make you feel bad then?”
“Er … no … no … I wouldn’t say that, no”
“You wouldn’t describe yourself as a ‘Traitor to the Crown’ then?”
“A …? Come again?”
“You heard”
“You think I’m a traitor?”
“Don’t you? I’d think reneging on your oath of loyalty to this country to go and live in America counts as treason, wouldn’t you?”
“Well no … I …”
“No it wouldn’t would it?”
“Wha?”
“Now turning to your confession, if I may …?”
“My …?”
“Clear something up for me, will you? Who, in your opinion, shot the sheriff?”
“Who shot …? Oh, right! Yes! Well if you listen to the song, you’ll see that I shot the sheriff … a-ha-ha.”
“Are you sure?”
“Am I sure?”
“Answer the question Mr. Clapton.”
“I thought I already …”
“ANSWER THE QUESTION MR. CLAPTON!”
“But I …”
“So you’re not prepared to answer the question … I see. Well perhaps you’ll oblige me with an answer to this then – did you shoot the deputy?”
“Did I shoot …? Well no, I didn’t … it’s in the song officer.”
“Is it? I don’t recall hearing you say it.”
“’I shot the sheriff, but I did not shoot the deputy’ …it’s all there.”
“Is it?”
“Yes.”
“Is it?”
“Yes.”
“Is it?”
“Yes.”
“Hmmm … you’re not doing yourself any favours here Mr. Clapton, you realise this?”
“But I …”
“It’s a very simple question …”
“What is?”
“Did … you … shoot … the … deputy?”
“Look I haven’t shot anyone – it’s a song for fuck’s sake!”
“So you’re denying the murder ever took place now, is that right?”
“Wha …? There was no murder! It’s a song!”
“You’re denying you gunned down two men in cold blood, am I clear on this point?”
“Eh? I didn’t gun down two men! I shot the sheriff …”
“AHA! Now we’re getting somewhere …”
“Hold on! That’s not what I meant at all!”
“But you admit to killing at least one individual, yes?”
“No no no no no! It’s a song! A SONG!”
“Whether you choose to confess in a song, on a sheet of paper, or scrawled on a toilet wall is neither here nor there Mr. Clapton. It doesn’t change the fact that two men lie dead. Now … who shot the deputy?”
“I don’t know who shot the deputy!”
“Come on Eric … who was there with you? We’ve got you for one murder – there’s no point going down for two just to protect your accomplice.”
“Accom …? But I didn’t have a fucking …”
“The games we play eh Eric? Do you think your mate wouldn’t be singing like a fucking canary if he was here in your shoes? I think I’ll leave you to ponder on that for a while. P’raps you’ll come to your senses after a bit of sleep eh son?”
“This is ridiculous!”
“Bob, get this murdering piece o’ shit out of my sight and lock him in his cell. Interview terminated eight forty two p.m.”